...but lately I've felt like it.

First:I have to apologise for totally ignoring all of your fantastic works. I do look at the art, I just have not had the time or energy to comment. Ok, I could go through and be like "aww cute" but i prefer to give proper comments about photos and pictures. 'Tis what dA is for, no?

Second: I'm almost blatantly ignoring journals, but I visit home pages every so often of people who update often and i do read them there. See first point about why I don't comment. My inbox was practically full (300+ journals within a week) and I just cant keep up.

AKA- I'm really, really sorry!

Yeah yeah yeah. I know, no-one'll read this. So I'm going to go a lil OTT in this entry. Explain a lot. Up to you if you read it.

I didn't say I wanted to die earlier, I said i've felt like it. I feel like everything's kinda crashing down, but I'm not the only one. The world's not about me. Between school, netball, band, work and other pressures such as guys and friends, I feel like I'm coming undone. But, in all reality, I'm doing it to myself. I'm forcing myself to be in all these things and I'm putting the pressure on myself. I really disappointed myself at the beginning of this year (for reason's I won't go into) and it was the worst feeling ever. I'm trying to pick myself up.
Maybe I am depressed. I wont say why (again), but some people could come to that conclusion pretty easily-- if they looked hard enough and payed attention. I'm not attention seeking, I just am a little different.

Not to say my life is shit. I have a great family, awesome friends, a best friend who's always there and probably deserves better, funny work mates who distract me from my petty troubles and show me a different side of life and i'm pretty active in the sense that I play music (self teaching myself guitar as well) and a sport i'm passionate about. But why do I seem to always find the worst in everything?

Many people I know would say I'm pretty confident. Many people who know me properly would say I'm not really. Only a few can tell when I'm faking it. I fake confidence a lot because I really really don't like myself and I really want other people's approval. I guess the same can be said here on dA (yes, I havent forgotten this is an ART community, i'm not about to make it my blog haha!). I'm not in an art block per say, I'm just not posting. I can't bring myself to post anything anymore. I'm far too critical of myself, and going back to the no-confidence thing I'm far too scared to get critisism from strangers. My parents dont like my art, the only person who seems to actively enjoy what I do is, again, the best friend who deserves more. Half of what I start is never finished and sits as a WIP until it is ultimately deleted.

I'm thinking of leaving dA, and again i'm not saying this to be dramatic or attention seeking. I'm merely telling you so you know what happened if i suddenly disappeared. I know that all of my watchers [who actively watch me anyway] are lovely kind people and are probably protesting, but I can't face this anymore. I will still draw, but no-one will see it. I'll draw just for the sake of it, because I know my manga isn't ever going to be more than a waste of time, in the words of someone close to me.

Um, i guess this is sort of the forewarning before the goodbye.
If i do chose to leave, I may just clear out my account but still stay activated so I can continue to cheer everyone on. Why clear my account? I hate feeling depressed when i see my stupid gallery.

Keep on drawing everyone, keep your chin up and pray that all my black emotion is everyone's so you all can smile today

Kris xx

<sub>To do:
(Yes, they're still open until the day I leave)

TRADES:
OPEN

REQUESTS:
OPEN

SKETCHES:
OPEN

COLLABS:
OPEN

GOALS
Improve my hands, drawing males, Improve my proportions + anatomy
Improve my digital colouring and traditional art
Pursue my photography
Have a hand in trying out human realism, animal realism and design at some point
Decide my artistic future</sub>